Letting Go of a Bit of Control

Those of you who know me might not be surprised when I admit this......I am a control freak....please don't judge me! I am very used to being in control and when it is taken away from me I sometimes don't handle it all that well. As a stay at home parent you control all that you see, you are in charge of meals, naps, books, TV, pretty much everything. Of course you give your children choices, but you chose what those choices are. I am the queen of all I see, I'm very used to my level of control and enjoy it very much!

Now, as always, there will come a time when even a queen has to give up a little of her power. One of the most blatant areas where I have lost control is what J learns or experiences at school. I'm not talking about what she is learning in the classroom, I'm talking about what she is learning at recess or on the bus, what the other children are teaching her that I might not agree with. The other day J came home from school with something weighing heavily on her. Apparently one of her friends, another five year old girl, we'll call her T, told J if she didn't say T was more beautiful and smarter then her J couldn't be in their group. J was very upset at this, she told T what she wanted to hear but knew it wasn't right.

I had no idea what to do with this story. I couldn't believe I was being faced with icky girl junk at such an early age! I was not prepared at all and felt so out of control. Quite frankly I wanted to tell J she is much more beautiful and smarter then T (a fact I most difinitively believe to be true) then go find T and lay into her for manipulating my precious daughter and making her feel less then the wonderful little thing that she is! Now of course this reaction, while it might have made me feel better, was not the best solution to the issue. My problem was I didn't know what the best solution was. I explained to J that T was not being very nice and I would be disappointed if J ever treated her friends in the same way. Beyond that I tried to get across that if J doesn't feel comfortable doing or saying something then she doesn't have to and shouldn't do it. The whole time I was trying to make J feel better, I was thinking, "Who the heck does T think she is and where did she learn to manipulate people and situations like that!"

I never thought I would have to deal with icky, friendship manipulation at the age of five. I know girls can be icky and catty but I didn't expect it until ages hit double digits or at least they were out of kindergarten! I don't want my daughter to think manipulating people is OK. It frustrates me to no end that her experience is completely out of my control.

My grandma, a much wiser woman then I will ever hope to be, once told me the early years of child rearing are the years in which parents instill in their children all the morals and values they will carry with them, after the beginning years all a parent can do is pray. I have to have faith that as parents R and I will instill enough positive values and confidence that our children can go out into the world and face down bullies like T. With that in mind, as much as it pains me to give up control of the situation, I'm trying to "Let go and let God".

I know I haven't lost all my control, I'm still the queen of all I see. I just hope giving up a little control to my princess will just help her become a better ruler when her reign starts.

Humble Pie for One

I'm generally not a vain person, but today as I was getting ready I thought I looked pretty good. I had on a cute shirt and some earrings, all in all, I was almost dressed up for the day. I have a small zit on my forehead, but I didn't think it was that big of a deal until A opened up her mouth.

We were sitting down having a nice dinner when A looked at me strangely.
As she was staring at my forehead she said, "Mama, what is that on your head?"
Completely oblivious I said, "What are you talking about?"
"That big red thing on your head!" At this point I looked over at R, who, of course, was laughing. (Honestly I would have been laughing too if the situations had been reversed.)
Slowly, I realized what she was talking about, but I was so surprised I didn't know what to say. R ended up telling her it was just an owie.
"Oh," said A. "That's a pretty bad owie, you better get a band-aid on it!"

Children, putting me in my place since 2003.

One Liners

I'm not sure if it is the age or the personality, but A is the queen of one liners. Here are a few that have made me laugh recently:

My parents are buying a new miniature schnauzer puppy when A heard this she told me in complete seriousness, "Mama, I'm going to give the puppy water....and dog food.....and teach it how to hunt." A my three year old huntress.

At lunch today we were discussing what the girls learned in Sunday School. J was sharing that her class talked about the story about Jacob and Esau. While J was attempting to explain the story A looked as if she was contemplating something. Finally she said, "Hey! Esau was in my class too!"

Today as I was putting on mascara, something I rarely do, A looked at me and said, "Mama, I love it when you pretty-tize your eyes!"

I'm not sure if these will be funny to anyone but me, I am a slightly biased source!

Falling in Love Again

This week has been a long, slightly difficult one. With R being out of town my duties have doubled, there hasn't been a lot of rest, and everyone is slightly out of sorts. In my attempt to just make it through the day I realize I have been focused more on surviving then loving my children. I haven't been taking time to enjoy and appreciate them for who they are, not the amount of work they are. I think in all relationships sometimes you need to take stock and remember just why you love the other person. So here it is, my top ten list David Letterman style.

The Top Ten Reasons Why I love My Kids

10. They appreciate, and make me remember, all the little things in the world.
9. J is the most tender and sensitive soul I know.
8. S smiles with his entire body
7. A can make me laugh with a single look.
6. They sing, very loudly, the wrong words to songs.
5. Their idea of a great way to wake up is cuddling in bed.
4. Their deep belly laughs.
3. Dancing like a crazy person is their favorite form of exercise.
2. Their innocence.
1. They are a gift God gave to R and I, they are made up of the best parts of both of us.

I just threw up a little in my mouth....

I was completely grossed out today by S. For some reason my children feel as if bathroom time is family time. They think everyone should just pile on in while someone is doing a number two and have a good old fashion heart to heart! Where my children get this from I have no idea.

Bathrooms are my biggest pet peeve. My loving husband would actually say I'm a little bit of a freak when it comes to this issue. I hate, hate, hate a dirty bathroom and think everything that goes on in there is better left private. That being said I'm at about my limit with our bathrooms. R is out of town on business so I haven't had the full hour I need to devote to cleaning our bathrooms, which means they haven't been cleaned in about a week. (As I am writing this I'm disgusted with myself!)

Now that you have all of the background on my disgusting bathrooms, here is what happened. A was using the facilities and per usual S was in there just hanging out. I, at this point, was just fixated on the fact that in a half and hour a baby sitter was going to come and I was going to get out of the house. Needless to say, I was trying to get ready for the sitter and wasn't paying the best attention to my children. A came out and in that moment two things occurred to me. First, I didn't hear a flush and second, why was I hearing splashing. I literally thought to myself, "Oh my God, I'm going to throw up right now." S was playing in the week dirty, used toilet. It was my worst nightmare come true!

Two very, very sanitized hands later we have some new house rules:
1. Bathroom time is private time
2. S can never, ever be in the bathroom alone
3. You must always, always flush

There is never a dull moment! Please don't judge me for the disgustingness of this post, I'm trying to tell myself it happens to everyone.....

First Embarrassment

Today my heart broke for J. When she came home from school she wasn't her normal happy, bubbly self. I knew that something was up, but knowing her, if I pushed the issue she wouldn't tell me anything. Sure enough a little time went by and she crawled on to my lap to lay her problems on me.

Apparently during class the elastic on her adjustable waist jeans had come unbuttoned. Since I buy my kid's clothes big, this meant her new school jeans were huge in the waist, which of course led to them sliding down and showing her underwear. One little girl in her class told J and she pulled up her pants only to have them immediately fall down again. The double underwear showing was just too much for a group of five year olds and, as J tells it, everyone laughed at her. The teacher told the class to stop and try to forget about it, but the damage had been done, J had experienced her first truely embarrassing moment.

As J was relating the whole sad story to me, her eyes were overflowing with tears. I just didn't know what to do. I wanted to yell at the entire class and tell them to be nice to my little girl! My mother bear instinct was in full force. Obviously my first instinct wasn't an option, so I settled for cuddling J and reminding her this was a lesson on how we don't want to treat people. Maybe the next time she sees someone else facing an embarrassing moment she will remember what it feels like to be the butt of the joke and not laugh. She looked at me earnestly and said she would, but who really knows if the lesson sunk in. Hopefully it did and a negative event will turn into a positive one.

On a completely different note, it makes me think we need to nip my families penchant for showing our underwear in the bud!

One of Those Days...

My friends and I have a running joke where when something bad happens to our children we say "there goes my mother of the year award!" Well today I definitely lost my mother of the year award.

It was one of those mornings where I had to do about ten thousand things in the span of a half an hour. S was apparently feeling neglected because every time I would leave him or even just put him down he would scream and run after me. (That's right, I said run. He finally started walking!) Finally he started playing with his sisters, I decided to take this moment to run upstairs and brush my teeth. Bad mom decision.

Mid brush I hear a blood curdling scream. This wasn't a "someone took my toy" scream, it was a "someone cut off a limb" scream. Of course I run down stairs and find my one and a half year old with blood pouring down his face and all of my children crying! I grab paper towel to try to mop up the blood and find the source, all the while I'm interrogating the girls to find out what happened. No one seemed to have an answer for me, the senarios ranged from S being pushed to it being a spontanious injury (That's what I get for trying to get an explanation out of a three and five year old.) Luckily, the blood was just coming from his nose and there were no cuts, but I felt absolutely horrible. How could I have thought I could just run upstairs and leave the kids playing! My mother of the year award is definitely gone!

Eventually things calmed down enough for J to get her thoughts together and explain what happened. It is so far fetched I know she isn't covering up anything. Apparently, S had been playing with a vine I had out on the table for fall decoration. While he was playing, he stuck the stick up his nose so far that he gave himself a bloody nose. It was a completely self inflicted injury. Seriously what are the chances, that is what I get for trying to be festive and have good oral hygene....

Why I'm Never Buying Kool-Aid Again!

I'm fairly picky about what type of food my children eat. I like them to have healthy options that include 100% juice but, as it sometimes happens, I ran out of juice. While the kids were clamoring for juice, I happened to find a canister of Kool-aid in the cupboard. I have no idea who bought it but, thinking it might be a nice treat for the kiddos, I whipped up a gallon of the red stuff. This was my first mistake.

I gave numerous warnings that the Kool-aid must be kept in the kitchen. Of course that instruction was promptly forgotten by A and I now have a large red stain on my family room carpet. Great....

The day progressed after that with relatively no Kool-aid mishaps, red mustaches not included. Then it was time for dinner. It was leftover night, so S and I walked over to the fridge to get everything out. As I was taking a pan out, I knocked over the entire gallon of Kool-aid. That is right, the entire gallon of bright red fruit punch Kool-aid landed on my floor and all over mine and S's jeans. The first thing I did was take off our jeans and throw them into the wash. Then I proceeded to attempt to clean up the mess. Picture this me on my hands and knees, in my underwear, trying to clean up a giant red puddle and stop a one year old from splashing in it all at the same time. This, of course, was the exact moment my girls decided to walk in with two of the neighbors. The girls looked at me strangely for a minute until finally A in all of her three year old wisdom pointed at me and said, "Mommy, we can see your undies!"

Lessons of the day:
1. If you are cleaning up Kool-aid do it with pants on.
2. If lesson one fails, try not to expose your underwear to neighborhood children.
3. Never have Kool-aid in your house again!

Kiddies or Kitties.....

I love how literal kids are. A great example of how kids take everything at face value happened today. To find it funny, you need to have a little background on my daughter, A. A is three years old going on sixteen. She marches to the beat of her own drum and has attitude to spare. As long as the attitude and independence are not directed towards me I definitely think it is a good thing!

This morning as R was saying goodbye he gave everyone a kiss and then said "Goodbye kiddies." A walked right over to him, one hand on her hip and a finger pointed in his direction, and said with the exasperation I have only heard from a teenager, "Dad, we are not cats!" This is why I love kids.

A's attitude pose

Constant Transitions - Part 2

I just had to share this after my post yesterday. Today J finally mastered the art of pumping on a swing. As she was flying through the air she looked at me with pure bliss and said,"I can't believe this was in me all the time! Thank you God for giving me these angles!" Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

The Choice to Walk

With three kids at all different ages our house is always in a constant state of transition. Someone is always learning something new. Take this week for instance, J is perfecting her reading skills, A learned how to make her bed and put on eye shadow (two very good skills to have when you are 3) and S learned to hit a ball off a tee. Now, hitting a ball off a tee might not seem as if it is not a huge deal, but S is 15 months and he doesn't walk. That is right, he doesn't walk! He amazes me, he can stand up pick up a bat and hit a ball, but walking, oh no, why would you want to do something like that. That isn't a life skill or anything!

I love my son, but he drives me crazy. He is choosing not to walk, something that will make his life (and mine) much easier. Did I also mention that he is almost 30lb, not a light thing to be carrying everywhere! I know I sound obsessive, but I just don't get it. Why would hitting a ball be a more important skill then walking? The girls walked at 10 and 11 months, perfectly respectible times to start cruising around. Why the heck isn't he!

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that kids choose what they want to learn to do not parents. We read to our children, but J decided it was time for her to learn to read, so she did it. A likes anything that is fancy and glittery, so learning to put on eyeshadow was a must. S loves to see balls go as far as they can, hence hitting one off a tee is a great thing. I would not have chosen that skill for S but it was important to him. I just pray that walking becomes important soon, it might be a little embarrassing to have a 15 year old crawling around but I'm guessing he could hit a ball like no other!

The First Day of School

So, today is the first day of school. J is going off to 5k and A will be starting preschool on Thursday. This is not quite as an emotional day for me as it could be. Our district has half day 4 and 5K, something that I love. I love having my daughter with me for a little bit longer. I think kids are so young and they don't need to be thrown into full day school so soon. Of course it is very easy for me to say this since we don't pay for daycare and don't have that huge bill looming over our heads.

J getting on the bus this afternoon and A going to school with out me just reminds me how fleeting their childhood is. I'm always wondering if I'm doing enough and spending enough time with them. By the way, I blame my feelings of inadequacy on parenting magazines and books. No one can be that perfect!

I know I'm home with my kids 90% of the time, but there are time when...how should I put this...not exactly present. Sometimes I just need to sit for awhile and regroup or tune them out when I'm trying to get something done. I know that this isn't the best parenting idea, but I do think it is a survival skill. There are times when R will look at me in amazement and say "can't you hear that?!" The point is that yes, I do hear it, but I also know that they are safe and just screaming and yell to scream and yell. My ignoring isn't doing anyone any harm and it is keeping my sanity intact for another five minutes.

I will always question whether or not have spent enough time doing productive educational things that will stimulate their brains and make them into instant geniuses. But the fact is my kids know I love them when we are stimulating their brains and when I'm sitting while they play by themselves. Honestly, what more can I hope then children who know they are loved. As J gets on the bus today I know she will be doing it with the confidence that no matter what happens while she is away she will come back home to a safe and loving place, even if I have to tune her and her siblings out every once in awhile.