An Update

Apparently A forgot that she doesn't like going to school and had a great day. She told me she won't cry anymore when she gets on the bus or at school (we'll see if this resolve holds tomorrow). She also told me there is a boy in her class, she can't remember his name, who lives in our town. (not a big shocker to me since 99.9% of her class lives in our town, but apparently a revelation to A) She and the nameless little boy planned a playdate. These were the directions she gave to get to his house. "You go past the daycare, drive a little while and stop at his house." She told me this with the greatest authority that these directions would actually get us there. Can you just imagine two four years olds out on the playground discussing direction and the playdate they want to have. I love kids.

Why is Parenting So Hard?!?

Sometimes I feel very ill-equipped to be a mom. All I can do is think to myself, "Where the hell is that manual that was supposed to come with them!" I'm currently feeling this way thanks to my middle child A.

This year A hit a milestone, she started school. The first day was definitely harder on me then it was her. I cried as she happily got on the bus, smiling and waving. Move ahead three weeks and everything has changed. She cries when getting on the bus, cries at school, and wants me to pick her up. To top off all the drama, I can't seem to get out of her what exactly changed or happened to make her so sad. It breaks my heart that she doesn't want to go to school. I even had to break out the "Mom and Dad could go to jail if you don't go to school" line. Not quite true since she's only in 4k, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

I've talked with her teacher, who says she's fine once school gets started, tried to set aside special Mom/A time, and tried asking what is going on. Nothing is working!

I'm at a complete loss. Since talking to her doesn't seem to help, I'm not sure if I should just let it ride it's course or what. I don't want to set a precedent of taking her to and from school every day just for my own sanity, but I just don't know what else to do. Is there anyone out there who has gone through this before? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! I just want my happy, school loving daughter back!

Four Year Old Logic

My four year old, A, is a very special girl with a logic all of her own. The other day she had some issues with her dad over the correct way to ask for breakfast. (in our house a please and thank you must be involved or the request doesn't get to far) I believe there were also some dirty looks involved on A's part when her first demand wasn't met. The dirty looks in turn did not fly with R. In the midst of all of this hubbub I decided to make an escape up to the shower.

Mid shower I hear a voice, "Mom! Mom! Where are you?" Hmmm, let me think about that, you are standing in the room, looking into the bathroom, and the shower is running. This is a tough one....

Once A discovered my secret hiding spot she went into a looooong story about how she didn't understand why Dad was mad at her for her sassy look. She didn't mean give him a sassy look at all and if by chance she "accidentally" looked at him with sass it was just because she was remembering the scary dream she had last night. Apparently R and I need to remember that all of A's naughty looks are caused by scary dreams.

After this very long excuse, I was about ready to get out of the shower and told A to go brush teeth. I could hear her exasperated sigh at my mere suggestion of teeth brushing. "Mooom, I can't brush my teeth, I'm still hungry! Can you get me some more breakfast?!"

Yes after finishing her first bowl of cereal, she had walked all the way upstairs to ask me, while I was in the shower, to get her some more breakfast. I believe there was a perfectly capable father in the kitchen, but asking him was just not logical. Especially if you are a four year old with your own brand of logic and a penchant for sassy looks.

I'm Back...

After a long break called summer where my actual life got in the way of me blogging about my life I'm officially back. I was going to start this post with humorous stories about my children and life, per usual, but today my heart continues to pull me to Sept. 11, 2001. This day is forever etched into my heart as it is with most, hopefully all, people who lived through that horrific day and are continuing to deal with the aftermath.

In 2001 I was a senior in college. I lived with two of my best friends and my biggest worry was if I could find a twenty to buy drinks with on a Friday night. All of my life I had felt the US was a nation in an untouchable bubble, we were immune to the atrocities in happening all over the world simply because we were us. On the morning of September 11 all of my naivete went away. I vividly remember waking up to the radio and hearing the first tower had been hit. At first I thought it must have been a small plane and that it was nothing, then I stumbled down the stairs, turned on the Today Show and reality set in. The United States was being attacked. I was in complete shock. I was glued to the news that entire day, I watched the second tower get hit, people running from the buildings, and both towers falling. Never in my life have I felt so helpless and scared. I wanted to help, but didn't know what to do. Eventually I forgot all my classes and drove home. As most people did that day I had a deep need to be around those I loved, to see them with my own eyes and thank God they were safe. My heart continues to be filled with grief for all of those who lost loved ones on that day.

September 11, 2001 forever changed the world and it's ripple effect continues and will continue through generations. The day after we brought J home from the hospital US troops invaded Iraq. My daughter knew two days of life without war. A and S have never known a time with out it. My children will never get to experience the joy of a tearful reunion at the gate of an airport. They will never be able to travel to other countries without going through heavy security with passports. They will know and understand what terror threat levels are. They will understand the importance of the armed forces and those who unselfishly give to protect our way of life. They will know the US does not reside in an impenetrable bubble.

Despite all of these changes I still feel blessed to live in the United States and live the life I lead. Everyday I look into the eyes of my children and I see hope, hope for a better day, hope that one person can make a difference, and hope that all the deaths on that day were not in vain. Despite that actions of terrorist hope is still alive in the world. I pray that will never change.

"All the great spiritual leaders in history were people of hope. Abraham, Moses, Ruth, Mary, Jesus, Rumi, Gandhi, and Dorothy Day all lived with a promise in their hearts that guided them toward the future without the need to know exactly what it would look like. Let's live with hope." - Henri J. Nouwen