The First Day of School

So, today is the first day of school. J is going off to 5k and A will be starting preschool on Thursday. This is not quite as an emotional day for me as it could be. Our district has half day 4 and 5K, something that I love. I love having my daughter with me for a little bit longer. I think kids are so young and they don't need to be thrown into full day school so soon. Of course it is very easy for me to say this since we don't pay for daycare and don't have that huge bill looming over our heads.

J getting on the bus this afternoon and A going to school with out me just reminds me how fleeting their childhood is. I'm always wondering if I'm doing enough and spending enough time with them. By the way, I blame my feelings of inadequacy on parenting magazines and books. No one can be that perfect!

I know I'm home with my kids 90% of the time, but there are time when...how should I put this...not exactly present. Sometimes I just need to sit for awhile and regroup or tune them out when I'm trying to get something done. I know that this isn't the best parenting idea, but I do think it is a survival skill. There are times when R will look at me in amazement and say "can't you hear that?!" The point is that yes, I do hear it, but I also know that they are safe and just screaming and yell to scream and yell. My ignoring isn't doing anyone any harm and it is keeping my sanity intact for another five minutes.

I will always question whether or not have spent enough time doing productive educational things that will stimulate their brains and make them into instant geniuses. But the fact is my kids know I love them when we are stimulating their brains and when I'm sitting while they play by themselves. Honestly, what more can I hope then children who know they are loved. As J gets on the bus today I know she will be doing it with the confidence that no matter what happens while she is away she will come back home to a safe and loving place, even if I have to tune her and her siblings out every once in awhile.